Tina Dico

Review By Jason Thompson

Tina Dico, In the Red

So here it is, the New Year, and from the sounds of it, it’s going to be pretty bleak. Aw hell, you can’t count January, right? There’s nothing good to see in the theatres, the big holiday release schedule has come and gone, and so a new year always starts out rather lazily. But hey, if you like your music as gray and cold as the general winter weather, then you’ll be more than happy with Tina Dico’s new one, In the Red.

If you’re not familiar with Dico, you may have actually heard her crooning tunes for the group Zero 7. And if you’ve never heard that group before, you’re right in the majority pocket. All you need to know on the surface is that Dico has one of those lovely voices that’s angst-ridden and floaty and wasted on a whole bunch of songs that sound the same. It takes more than an ounce of patience to sit through this entire disc in one listen, but if you’re feeling bummed out and think you need to waste some time contemplating your navel at the closest Barnes and Noble Starbucks, then this is the CD you’ll want to listen to on the drive there.

Dico’s good at doing that warm/cold thing. You know, her voice has that flaky semi-sensual thing going on, but peel away that layer and it’s an ice fest. Okay, so maybe this isn’t a CD for your average guy. Or for any guy, for that matter. Unless you’re a guy who watches tripe like “The Gilmore Girls” and likes to wipe the tears away every time Rory opens her mouth to let some banal diarrhea flow from her mouth. Sure, then this CD could be for you. The songs trudge along on slow tempos, minor keys, and bold choruses. In fact, the chorus for the first track “Losing” is damn great. If only it didn’t have such dull verses weighting it down.

But hey, you’ve got your Venti Café Americano now and you’ve taken off your muffler and gloves and are sitting down to read some “Chicken Soup for the Douchebag’s Soul”. Ah yes, Starbucks and a good read. What could be better? But wait! What’s that being piped through the store’s speakers? Why, it’s In the Red! Your ears perk up to the muddled strains of “Nobody’s Man.” This is some beautiful, sad music! You almost spill your cinnamon on the table when the disc shuffles over to “Use Me.” Oh, but you’re relating now! Slow, slow songs forged upon what those idiots on TV call “delicious pain” is now pounding its hips into your eardrums and you almost climax right there on your biscotti!

Keep it together! Oh, do they have this for sale? You ask the clerk, but they do not. You’ll have to go over to Border’s across the street and buy it. Fuck. You don’t like their coffee over there, but you suppose you could risk it for the music. After all, the same-as-the-rest-of-‘em song “Warm Sand” is now playing and you feel like you’re on a narcotic drip. Everything’s getting slower now. You grab your coffee and head out to cross the street. Your feet are melting from the drama of “Give In” as it blares from the Starbucks’ door before it swings shut. You’re almost there…

You barely make it into Border’s. You’re an absolute mess but you manage to ask the clerk for In the Red by Tina Dico. She looks at you over her sexy frames and struts her college ass and legs, all painted down in a pair of capris, over to the ROCK/POP section. She gets the disc for you. You’re almost a puddle now. You pay for it and somehow make it to the car where you put the disc in. “Head Shop” explodes all over the interior of your BMW and you instantly die a happy person who likes slow, boring music that all sounds the same. Some thugs find your car, dump what’s left of your body, and take your precious Beemer to a chop shop, where it’s turned into parts for a replica of Optimus Prime.

For Further Information, Interviews or CDs, Contact:
Vermillion Media • www.vermillionmediagroup.com
Official Website • www.tinadico.com